2 miracles

I want to tell you about 2 miracles. The first is that I'm an inch farther away from the failure line. I'm not where I want to be, (let's face it, all A's), but at this point, I felt it was safe to buy books for the next semester. I have a test today, one tomorrow, and another on Thursday, so hopefully I'll still feel safe by Friday morning!

The second miracle is what I've been learning about fetal development. If it isn't proof of a creator and intentional design, I don't know what it. Have you ever thought about how babies breathe in the uterus? Did you know their heart is beating when they are 8-weeks old? They are less than an inch long, but their heart is circulating blood. Did you know that a baby's heart works, in some ways, the opposite in the womb, and then when we are born, 3 shunts fuse shut so we can breathe with our lungs and circulate blood differently? If any of you are actually interested in learning more, take a look at this video I've been watching on repeat, trying desperately to memorize for my test this afternoon.

Thanks for all your prayers, support, and encouragement. Only 11 months until graduation!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9O-i6k0mGrU&index=22&list=PLvA06TlF72GPG1WVxD3s-_qrqo7m0z5h_

p.s. Did you know pregnant women can get scurvy? I thought only pirates got that! (it's basically bleeding gums and other yucky things in your mouth due to the excretion of hormones and extra saliva during pregnancy)

A Dark Hour

When I completed my first semester of nursing school, I was exhausted but in a pretty good place overall. I finished well academically and felt confident in my ability to succeed as long as I took care of myself and stayed on track.

Then I got the lowest grade I've gotten so far in the program on my first test of the semester. Then I did even worse on my second test last night. It's a 5-week intensive course, so there isn't much time to bring up my grade. I'm frazzled, to say the least. My school doesn't allow extra credit projects, and if you get below an 80% in any class, you're out of the program. I'm way too close to that line right now.

I have some chronic medical issues most people don't know about, and I don't want to get into right now, but it's enough to know they are having an impact on my overall anxiety level and general wellness right now. I'm trying to study at least 5-7 hours a day on top of 5-6 hours of class, but it's just not enough to learn everything. Some of you may know I have learning disabilities, so it takes me longer than the average joe to learn new material. My health issues have surfaced lately and have slowed me down. I know I need to rest so my chronic issues don't get worse, but studying less creates a great deal of anxiety because I have very little cushion in my grade right now. I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. So, pray for wisdom and the courage to actually rest and take the time my body needs.

I know I need to be willing to walk through my fear of failure. I've always put way too much stock in my grades, and this has been a great opportunity to grow through being humbled! It's embarrassing to even admit I'm struggling, but I'm hoping this will be therapeutic. I want to be so content with who I am in Christ that I can fail out of nursing school and not waiver in that identity. Of course, I don't want to fail, and I certainly don't plan on it, but I need to be willing to celebrate God's will no matter what. He alone knows what's best for me.

Your prayers and encouraging notes mean a lot. Most of the time I love living alone, but sometimes it can get lonely, and even a simple comment on facebook means a lot! You get bonus friend points if you can make me laugh. I want to say a special "thank you" to my awesome family who has been incredibly supportive. Let's hope my next update is much more cheerful!

2 weeks to the first finish line

I have 8 days of class and 6 tests to go before the Christmas break. I'm beginning to see the semester's finish line. I wish I could say the semester flew by, but honestly, it's been the longest 3 months of my life. It hasn't been all bad, of course, but it's been one of the hardest things I've ever done. And if you know me, that's saying something, considering my time as a houseparent at Mooseheart or living with my great-aunt Eileen! Although I'll have several projects to complete over Christmas break, I'm very much looking forward to a 3-week rest. I plan on playing with my nephews, petting my parent's cat, Peaches, celebrating the birth of Christ, watching movies, and only doing 2-3 hours of homework a day. A real treat, I assure you.

In less than 2 weeks, I'll be 1/4 of the way done with nursing school. I'm not sure if that feels exciting or depressing! We are still spending the vast majority of our time in the lecture hall. We occasionally go to the skills lab to practice, but we'll do more of that next semester. So far I've been "checked off" on several procedures, meaning I can do them on a real person as long as I'm supervised. According to the State of Tennesse, I am officially allowed to insert a foley catheter. Do I really think I can do it? Let's hope so, but to my first patient: my sincerest apologies.

We will start clinicals the end of February. We'll be in the trenches Mondays and Tuesdays, and spend the rest of the week in the lecture hall back at school. I'll spend 2-5 weeks at each location so I can gain experience in a variety of settings. Some of those settings include a prison, a mental hospital, a birthing center, a Veteran's hospital, and a nursing home. I'm often asked what kind of nurse I want to be. I have no idea. I'm hoping I'll figure that out during my clinical rotations.

Praises:
It's almost Christmas!!
I'm almost completely recovered from a bad case of bronchitis
I'm blown away by the generosity of friends during my immunization fundraiser. I still have plenty of items to sell if you're looking for a Christmas gift or two

Prayer request:
Motivation to finish the semester strong
Recall on my final exams
A relaxing Christmas break

An honest look at how I'm doing

The most common question I get these days is, "How is school going." I'm glad to hear that question because it means you care. But, let's save us all some time and have me answer that question now. For the next 14 months, I'm always going to be overwhelmed, stressed, and tired. There, of course, will be great days mixed in there. I'll have moments of joy, days of feeling at peace, and restful nights of sleep. However, I feel like all those moments are built on a foundation of stressful exhaustion. Here is what my week looks like, and will look like, until I graduate:

Monday-Thursday: get up, do homework until 3 when I go to school, leave school at 8:30, study till 10:30, go to bed.
Friday: my day off! yay! Time to grocery shop, clean my apartment, see family, etc, and do 8 hours of homework.
Saturday-Sunday: every other weekend I'm off, and set a goal to do 8 hours of homework each day. On the weekends I work, I try to do 3-4 hours of homework before I go in at 1:30 and get off at 10:30.

Honestly, the thing that stresses me out the most is working. If I have a test on a Monday, I spend much of my time at work stressing over not studying for it. My job at the nursing home is physically, mentally and emotionally draining. Many of you could say the same thing about your job, I'm sure! I also have the added luxury of only being responsible for me. Unlike many of my classmates, I don't have kids to take care of, and goodness knows, being a parent is the hardest job on the planet. Children are a blessing, but right now, I'm really glad it's just me! And yet, my job stresses me out. School takes, on average, 65 hours of my week, and it's tough to put 18 hours of work on the weekends on top of that.

Frankly, I want to quit my job. I want to find something in Fridays where I can sit at a desk and file papers and answer phones and not think too hard. Anyone know of a job like that? Seriously, I'm looking.

Now that my pity party is done, here are a few praises and prayer requests:

Praises:
I'm doing well academically!
I'm able to help my classmates learn how to study and manage their time effectively.
I get a lot of joy from spending a few minutes a week with my nephews
Fall weather has finally arrived!

Prayer requests:
That God will open doors for me to find a low-stress job on Fridays so I can quit my current one.
I will remain disciplined in my studies. I'm so tired of memorizing!
My classmates and teachers don't know Jesus. Pray I'm a light in a dark place.


Thank you for your support and prayers!!!

1/32 of the way done

One of my classmates was trying to figure out many days we have until graduation. That seemed a bit depressing to me, considering we are only two weeks into the program. I chose instead to look at how I've gone, and in weeks instead of days. Why? Who knows. Therefore, I'm thrilled to announce I'm 1/32 of the way done with nursing school. I've completed 1 paper, 3 quizzes, 3 tests, 7 homework assignments, 1 group project, and 2 individual projects. I've had 7 classes so far. I bought 1,200 flashcards last week. They will literally last a month before I need more.

There's good news and bad news. It's only going to get harder. I'm only going to get more tired and overwhelmed. I'm eventually going to have to stick tubes up places that you can't discuss in polite company. I've heard that I'm going to eventually learn something that resembles actual nursing. So far I've learned the history of nursing, legal issues related to the medical field, transcultural nursing, diet requirements, and school rules. We've been told that in a few months we get to start giving injections to hot dogs. So, that's progress toward real-life nursing, right?

The good news is.....Um. I'm sure there is some. Let's see. I've created several excellent study music youtube channels. I've had a cold since before school started, so once I'm not sick, maybe it will get a little easier to stay awake in class. I got a fidget spinner shaped like a snitch to play with in class. If that sentence means nothing to you, just skip it and know the snitch makes me happy.

Now excuse me as I go make more flashcards.

One day down

I completed day one of nursing school today. It was like many first days: confusion, excitement, nervousness, and curiosity. We spent most of our time going over the student handbook, the syllabus, our required immunizations, and uniforms. There are 22 students in my class, and my teacher is convinced we will all graduate. Right now, it all seems pretty overwhelming, and this isn't my first college class, people! It's clear, however, that nursing school is far different from my previous educational experiences.

1. If we miss a class, we have to come in on the weekends to make up the work.
2. There is no late work accepted and no tardies tolerated. If we are late, we are essentially locked out.
3. I'll be doing all this in white scrubs. White??? Yes, it's the historical color of nursing, but really, haven't we figured out that there are better colors out there? Must we keep all traditions?
4. My teacher doesn't care if we use MLA or APA formats, doesn't care how many sources we have, and told us that, "the first paragraph should tell me what your paper is about." Yup, the papers are going to be a snap. Unfortunately, that's a teeny, tiny part of my class.
5. Most of my time will be spent taking tests. We had one tonight, will have 2 tomorrow, and a unit test on Thursday. Yup, a unit test on the THIRD day of class!

I have a feeling that school is going to be long hours of boredom/hard work, punctuated by moments of terror and panic. And hopefully, a little laughter, fun, excitement, joy, and fulfillment. Time will tell.

There are those moments...

I'm 6 weeks into my job as a Nursing Assistant. Friends ask all the time how it's going, and I usually say, "It's hard, but I'm getting the hang of it," or something in that vein. Which, of course, is true. I'm getting my rhythm down and have created my own routine. I've learned how to put on clean incontinence briefs (we're not allowed to call them diapers), without taking off a patient's pants. Think about that for a second. Try putting on clean underwear while wearing pants! I'm getting really good at emptying colostomy bags, and am slowly getting to know my co-workers.

I'm also getting to know my patients. They are in the rehab unit anywhere from 2 weeks to 3 months. Almost every day one of my patients leave and another one takes their place. Some I'm sad to see go; others cause an internal moment of rejoicing! Overall, it's been wonderful serving these men and women. They are in a vulnerable place: no privacy or personal is space allowed when I'm the one to wipe their rear end!

Last night I experienced one of my favorite patient encounters thus far. One of my very sweetest patients made a simple, quick rude comment to me when I offered to take her to the restroom. I remember being surprised at her comment, but quickly moved on and didn't give it much thought. Many of my patients suffer from dementia, and it's not unusual to get yelled at several times a day. A few weeks ago another little old lady dumped a glass of water on me! Anyway, at the end of my shift, one of the nurses told me this woman wanted to apologize for what she said. At first, I didn't think she could mean me. What she said was so minor compared to how I'm treated by other patients, that I thought maybe she was just confused. However, I headed over to her room and sat down beside her on her bed. Tears welled in her eyes as she told me that she was so sorry about how she treated me. I was shocked! I genuinely hadn't been offended, but she said she couldn't fall asleep because she was so upset. I stroked her hand as I told her that I forgave her, and tried to encourage her with anything that felt right to say in the moment. As I slipped out of her room and headed home, I had a tear in my eye, and a smile as well, grateful for this small moment in my day. It's so easy to think that all I do is help people go to the bathroom, get dressed, and brush their teeth. Of course, I need to remember it's always more than that. It's a mission field and a ministry. My job is very hard, both physically and mentally, but it is rewarding as well!