An honest look at how I'm doing

The most common question I get these days is, "How is school going." I'm glad to hear that question because it means you care. But, let's save us all some time and have me answer that question now. For the next 14 months, I'm always going to be overwhelmed, stressed, and tired. There, of course, will be great days mixed in there. I'll have moments of joy, days of feeling at peace, and restful nights of sleep. However, I feel like all those moments are built on a foundation of stressful exhaustion. Here is what my week looks like, and will look like, until I graduate:

Monday-Thursday: get up, do homework until 3 when I go to school, leave school at 8:30, study till 10:30, go to bed.
Friday: my day off! yay! Time to grocery shop, clean my apartment, see family, etc, and do 8 hours of homework.
Saturday-Sunday: every other weekend I'm off, and set a goal to do 8 hours of homework each day. On the weekends I work, I try to do 3-4 hours of homework before I go in at 1:30 and get off at 10:30.

Honestly, the thing that stresses me out the most is working. If I have a test on a Monday, I spend much of my time at work stressing over not studying for it. My job at the nursing home is physically, mentally and emotionally draining. Many of you could say the same thing about your job, I'm sure! I also have the added luxury of only being responsible for me. Unlike many of my classmates, I don't have kids to take care of, and goodness knows, being a parent is the hardest job on the planet. Children are a blessing, but right now, I'm really glad it's just me! And yet, my job stresses me out. School takes, on average, 65 hours of my week, and it's tough to put 18 hours of work on the weekends on top of that.

Frankly, I want to quit my job. I want to find something in Fridays where I can sit at a desk and file papers and answer phones and not think too hard. Anyone know of a job like that? Seriously, I'm looking.

Now that my pity party is done, here are a few praises and prayer requests:

Praises:
I'm doing well academically!
I'm able to help my classmates learn how to study and manage their time effectively.
I get a lot of joy from spending a few minutes a week with my nephews
Fall weather has finally arrived!

Prayer requests:
That God will open doors for me to find a low-stress job on Fridays so I can quit my current one.
I will remain disciplined in my studies. I'm so tired of memorizing!
My classmates and teachers don't know Jesus. Pray I'm a light in a dark place.


Thank you for your support and prayers!!!

1/32 of the way done

One of my classmates was trying to figure out many days we have until graduation. That seemed a bit depressing to me, considering we are only two weeks into the program. I chose instead to look at how I've gone, and in weeks instead of days. Why? Who knows. Therefore, I'm thrilled to announce I'm 1/32 of the way done with nursing school. I've completed 1 paper, 3 quizzes, 3 tests, 7 homework assignments, 1 group project, and 2 individual projects. I've had 7 classes so far. I bought 1,200 flashcards last week. They will literally last a month before I need more.

There's good news and bad news. It's only going to get harder. I'm only going to get more tired and overwhelmed. I'm eventually going to have to stick tubes up places that you can't discuss in polite company. I've heard that I'm going to eventually learn something that resembles actual nursing. So far I've learned the history of nursing, legal issues related to the medical field, transcultural nursing, diet requirements, and school rules. We've been told that in a few months we get to start giving injections to hot dogs. So, that's progress toward real-life nursing, right?

The good news is.....Um. I'm sure there is some. Let's see. I've created several excellent study music youtube channels. I've had a cold since before school started, so once I'm not sick, maybe it will get a little easier to stay awake in class. I got a fidget spinner shaped like a snitch to play with in class. If that sentence means nothing to you, just skip it and know the snitch makes me happy.

Now excuse me as I go make more flashcards.

One day down

I completed day one of nursing school today. It was like many first days: confusion, excitement, nervousness, and curiosity. We spent most of our time going over the student handbook, the syllabus, our required immunizations, and uniforms. There are 22 students in my class, and my teacher is convinced we will all graduate. Right now, it all seems pretty overwhelming, and this isn't my first college class, people! It's clear, however, that nursing school is far different from my previous educational experiences.

1. If we miss a class, we have to come in on the weekends to make up the work.
2. There is no late work accepted and no tardies tolerated. If we are late, we are essentially locked out.
3. I'll be doing all this in white scrubs. White??? Yes, it's the historical color of nursing, but really, haven't we figured out that there are better colors out there? Must we keep all traditions?
4. My teacher doesn't care if we use MLA or APA formats, doesn't care how many sources we have, and told us that, "the first paragraph should tell me what your paper is about." Yup, the papers are going to be a snap. Unfortunately, that's a teeny, tiny part of my class.
5. Most of my time will be spent taking tests. We had one tonight, will have 2 tomorrow, and a unit test on Thursday. Yup, a unit test on the THIRD day of class!

I have a feeling that school is going to be long hours of boredom/hard work, punctuated by moments of terror and panic. And hopefully, a little laughter, fun, excitement, joy, and fulfillment. Time will tell.

There are those moments...

I'm 6 weeks into my job as a Nursing Assistant. Friends ask all the time how it's going, and I usually say, "It's hard, but I'm getting the hang of it," or something in that vein. Which, of course, is true. I'm getting my rhythm down and have created my own routine. I've learned how to put on clean incontinence briefs (we're not allowed to call them diapers), without taking off a patient's pants. Think about that for a second. Try putting on clean underwear while wearing pants! I'm getting really good at emptying colostomy bags, and am slowly getting to know my co-workers.

I'm also getting to know my patients. They are in the rehab unit anywhere from 2 weeks to 3 months. Almost every day one of my patients leave and another one takes their place. Some I'm sad to see go; others cause an internal moment of rejoicing! Overall, it's been wonderful serving these men and women. They are in a vulnerable place: no privacy or personal is space allowed when I'm the one to wipe their rear end!

Last night I experienced one of my favorite patient encounters thus far. One of my very sweetest patients made a simple, quick rude comment to me when I offered to take her to the restroom. I remember being surprised at her comment, but quickly moved on and didn't give it much thought. Many of my patients suffer from dementia, and it's not unusual to get yelled at several times a day. A few weeks ago another little old lady dumped a glass of water on me! Anyway, at the end of my shift, one of the nurses told me this woman wanted to apologize for what she said. At first, I didn't think she could mean me. What she said was so minor compared to how I'm treated by other patients, that I thought maybe she was just confused. However, I headed over to her room and sat down beside her on her bed. Tears welled in her eyes as she told me that she was so sorry about how she treated me. I was shocked! I genuinely hadn't been offended, but she said she couldn't fall asleep because she was so upset. I stroked her hand as I told her that I forgave her, and tried to encourage her with anything that felt right to say in the moment. As I slipped out of her room and headed home, I had a tear in my eye, and a smile as well, grateful for this small moment in my day. It's so easy to think that all I do is help people go to the bathroom, get dressed, and brush their teeth. Of course, I need to remember it's always more than that. It's a mission field and a ministry. My job is very hard, both physically and mentally, but it is rewarding as well!

8-hour workouts

The past 6 weeks have brought significant changes for me. I completed my Certified Nursing Assistant course and started a job as a nursing assistant at a nursing home. I work 2pm-10:30ish 4-5 days a week. My schedule is constantly changing from week to week, but that's just part of the medical world, and I might as well get used to that now. It's hard to know how to describe this job, but basically, I'll say it's an 8-hour workout. I spend my time lifting patients from their bed to their wheelchair, then their wheelchair to the toilet and back again. As soon as I finish doing this for all my patients, it's time to start over and do it again. I also have bed-ridden patients that require me to change their incontinence brief in bed. That's also exhausting and often embarrassing for the patient. I'm surprised how quickly I've gotten used to cleaning up bodily functions. I wake up every day stiff and sore. I'm covered in bruises. I'm desperately hoping that my body will adjust at some point because the last 3 weeks have been terribly challenging from a physical and emotional perspective.

One of the hardest things about this job is trying to give my full attention to each patient, knowing that there are 2 other call lights on in other rooms. I wish that I could just sit and talk to my patients, but I know that the longer I spend with one person means that someone else is waiting longer. Occasionally I determine that it's worth it to spend a few extra minutes with someone. Last week one of my patients returned from her mom's funeral to learn that her husband died. She said the funeral was wonderful, but that there hadn't been anyone to sing a hymn. I asked her if I could sing to her, and she was grateful for that small offering. It was a valuable reminder to me that I'm treating the whole person and that it's ok to listen to my instincts about taking a few minutes out of my day to do something extra for someone's heart.

I heard that I've been offered an interview for nursing school. It will take place on June 23rd, so I would certainly appreciate your prayers for that. It's a step in the right direction, for sure, but it's no guarantee of acceptance. And, if my new job has taught me anything, it's that I don't want to do this forever!

The waiting game

I survived my first semester of nursing school. Anatomy was brutal. I expected it to be, but it sure lived up the hype. Sometimes when I think of all I learned in the past 3 months, I'm overwhelmed, and other times I feel like I hardly learned anything at all. Last week I took my Anatomy final exam, and with that, the semester ended. I was pleased with my grades for both Medical Math and Anatomy, so that's encouraging.

Many of you have asked what's next. I sure wish I knew! There are no summer classes, but I'll be busy (I'll get to that in a minute). I've submitted my application to the college to continue in the program. I'm required to earn at least an 85 in every class I take to keep going, but after the first semester, I have to also be interviewed as well to see if I'll be able to continue. I had no idea getting into nursing school was so competitive! So, I wait. I'm hoping to hear about my interview date by the end of May. If I'm accepted, classes resume the first week of September.

Today I was accepted into a CNA, or Certified Nursing Assistant, program. It's a free, 3-week training offered by a nursing home close to my house. At the end of the class I'll take an exam to earn my certification. CNAs take vital signs, transfer patients from bed to chair, help with feeding, bathing, medication reminders, etc. There are a few reasons I decided to do this program. First of all, for the past 2 months I've been working for a company called Senior Helpers. I go into homes of the elderly and help with housekeeping, medication reminders, transportation, etc. It's been challenging, and becoming a CNA will give me additional skills for this job. It will also mean a small pay increase. The other reason I want to be a CNA is to pump up my nursing resume. I don't think any hospital is going to care that I have an M.A. in English. Even though I'm already well-educated, it's like I'm starting over as an 18-year-old like some of the students in my class. Most of my classmates are already CNAs, and when we all graduate, I want to be competitive in the job market. I'll be able to work as a CNA during my nursing program and gain valuable experience. It's difficult, physical work, but I think it will be a good opportunity for me. The classes start at 6am. This night owl isn't sure I can learn anything at that time of the day, but I'll give it a try!

The best part of nursing school so far

Last week I was tasked with creating a model of a cell. You know, the thing you did in 7th-grade science class. I decided to kill two birds with one stone and asked my 4-year-old nephew to help me. Homework + nephew time = great.

I asked Ben if I could use his Legos for a school project. I had to assure him that I wouldn't glue anything and that I would return all the Legos. No problem. He didn't quite grasp what I was doing, and of course, had no idea what a "cell" was. Cindy wisely explained that I was bringing in Legos for show and tell. "Oooooh!" That made more sense. Thank goodness for moms who speak 4-year-old.

He asked if I was allowed to bring in 3 things for show and tell. After learning that I was only allowed this one thing, I received a look that meant, "what kind of second-rate school do you attend?" "I'm allowed 3 things when it's my time for show and tell." Welcome to the brutal truth of adulthood, kid.

We spent an afternoon building a cell. I would tell him, "I need something long and skinny," or, "It needs to be green," and he would find whatever I needed. As we concluded the project, he announced that, "This is going to be the best show and tell you've ever had."

Thanks for your help, Ben. I got an A.


p.s. Here is your medical vocab phrase to work into a conversation today:

Pseudostratified columnar epithelium are cell tissues found in your trachea.